A Breakdown

I had never imagined crying in a CVS parking lot. 

 

But here I was, bawling my eyes out with my dad sitting next to me, unable to speak. 

 

I was leaving for Washington, D.C. that day to begin an internship at USA TODAY.

 

And the thing that troubled me was that I should have been excited. But the moment I accepted their internship offer in February, it felt like a stopwatch had started. 

 

I secretly hoped I’d get a call, or an email, telling me they’d eliminated my internship. 

 

Each day passed, and I found myself looking at the calendar at times just to remind myself it wasn’t quite there yet. 

 

You still have 42 days. You still have 28 days. You still have 9 days. 

 

It’s here. 

 

And I had forgotten to buy a toothbrush. Which brings me back the CVS parking lot. 

 

With the thoughts of a grueling second semester still fresh in my mind, I told my dad what I just told you. I told him I missed my girlfriend, too. And that I missed my family, and wanted a break, and just didn’t want to do this anymore. 

 

He told me it was too late for that, which it was. 

 

He told me it was time to learn for real if this is what I wanted to do, which I did. 

 

And he told me I had to go. 

 

***

 

For a little while, things got better. 

 

My office had a gym. My editors were nice. I didn’t need to be at the office until 10 a.m. And I got to cover Major League Baseball. 

 

But at some point things changed. 

 

I found myself sitting in the Baltimore Orioles’ press box watching batting practice. 

 

I had just spent two hours in the clubhouse unsuccessfully interviewing players for a story that wasn’t even my idea. 

 

I had to drive an hour from my apartment to get there at noon for a 7:10 first pitch. 

 

Tomorrow I’d have to do it all over again. And the day after that. 

 

So I sat in that press box, the very place I dreamed of being when I began chasing this dream.

 

All I could think was get me the fuck out of here.